don't blame the yoga

visvamitrasana is the first posture in the 3rd series. it takes a strong core, good balance & strong legs, arms & hips to perform safely. which is why it's in the 3rd series.

last night i taught my usual thursday night class. a woman who has been taking my classes for almost a year finally got her husband to try a class. in his very first yoga class ever, he was forced to perform this posture.

guess what?

his shoulder dislocated. it is possibly a permanent injury.

guess what?

he may never walk into a yoga class again.

this makes me sad. and angry. because the studios & clubs are chock full of newbie "teachers" who have no concept of how to push people. they get bored, turn up the music & teach brand new students very advanced postures such as this posture-durvasasana.



i had a heated argument with another teacher about this posture & she ended up never speaking to me again because i questioned her methods. sadly she could not even name the posture. actually this was the 3rd teacher who told me they like to teach this pose to new students.
beware.

there's no way in heck i would teach these postures to anyone who has not done much yoga. it's stupid. why would you do this? when a new student gets hurt, they blame the yoga. sometimes it's the student pushing themselves, often it's the teacher. but it's NEVER the fault of the yoga. especially if the teacher can not perform the posture or name it!!!
beware.

i can't tell you how often yoga practitioners get angry about yoga. yoga is your friend-not your enemy. i've said it before-it can heal you or poison you.
beware.

when you get injured, blame the teacher or blame yourself.
but don't blame the yoga.

doin' the kimchi squat

i have been corresponding with an astangi who lives on the coast. we were discussing the importance of pasasana-the noose posture. i asked her how her pasasana is. and if her heels are on the floor. she said "no" because "my ankles are stiff." to which i suggested that she should squat like using an indian potty so her ankles can stretch. i've always been taught that way & that this first posture of the intermediate series is a gateway posture. when i was practicing in mysore, guruji & sharath were VERY serious about the heels getting down all the way. you weren't even allowed to come on the toes in order to bind! lucky for me i had been using the indian potty for 4 months. my pasasana was the best i've ever done. and i've been chasing it ever since. my friend called the squat i told her to do "the kimchi squat," because her korean pal said that's what the people have to do while making kimchi. and i loved that & asked to use it while teaching.

now i'm hungry.

Benefits of Pasasana

Stretches and strengthens the ankles
Stretches the thighs, groins, and spine
Opens the chest and shoulders
Stimulates the abdominal organs
Improves digestion and elimination
Improves posture

-Yoga Journal_

r.i.p. dickie, r.i.p. facebook

a good friend & the drummer for the band the colonel plays for, peace of the puzzle passed away on my birthday. there was a memorial & jam for richie "dickie" castillo at a local watering hole yesterday.

playing drums was his life force & it kept him alive for the 5 hard years he battled cancer. never once did he ever say "why me?" he stayed happy & positive right up until his last breath. even in his final hours he was talking about the next gig & apologizing for not being able to play.

i'm not sure i've ever met anyone quite like him. his wife told me it was his wish for me to play drums in his place. i will start this week.

♥ ♥ ♥

some of you might not know i de-activated my facebook account, so don't think that i de-friended you.
thanks for all the fun. i will continue to blog here & at my food blog & can always be reached via email.

the drama that is wool

in less than 2 years i've somehow managed to knit almost 100 things. i'm almost ashamed. because what this library represents is my fear to face a challenge. if you notice, i knit the same things over & over & over & over. same stitch patterns, my refusal to use a pattern because i really don't understand them, the fact that i gave up my original knitting motivater-knitting the sock. my inability to produce a sweater. the only w.i.p. in the entire brigade is the unfinished cotton skirt.

the pile of wool, like yoga, is a direct reflection of me. and how i live.

-i'm the type of person who usually eats one thing on the plate at a time until it's finished. = i MUST finish a knit piece before i "allow" myself to cast on a new one.=i will not skip yoga postures (well usually).

-i often lack confidence in life.=i am afraid i will not understand patterns.=i struggle with scientific anatomical terms in yoga.=i have never really understood how to read music even though i was a professional.

-i LOVE color.=colorful knits.=my japanese yoga towels & collaged bollywood spray bottles for garba pindasana.

i could probably find half a dozen other similarities if i gave myself some time.

this makes me a little angry. because i should stop limiting myself & whining, "but i can't read patterns :-( "

so i decided to face this. i dished out a shamefull amount of cash on italian wool & cashmere for my very first cardigan.

the mocha-latte go everwhere, go with everything cardigan from "stitch n bitch."



before i cast on, i side-tracked back to the knee sock. because it's portable. the sweater can't be knit on the train. i figured i could take a lesson when i got stuck. it's also a way to avoid the sweater.

i knit & knit & knit, tore it apart 4 times, finally began to get it long



and sitting outside between classes knitting into the 100th size 2 needle row, i noticed i slipped a stitch. 3 rows ago. i began to unsuccesfully try to back it up. the needles are the size of toothpicks. i stuck a real toothpick into the slip, folded it & shoved it at the bottom of my pack. i haven't touched it today yet.

i'm also in denial that it is way too big & will probably never stay up on my man calves.

so i bounced back to the sweater & knit a swatch.



this is to get a feel of how many stitches per inch you need. and is never a sure thing. great. a sweater that takes upwards of 3 months to knit has a high percentage of fitting someone other than you.

and i wonder if i'm up to the challenge.
and why i am inflicting this knit obsession drama unto myself.

make fashion, not war

i have used foam toe stretchers for years. they go between your toes & seperate them, giving you the feeling of a mild full body massage. they also widen your feet from years of squashing them into shoes such as these guns & ammo boots courtesy of a new japanese fashion blog i have recently found- sensible obsessions .

i also frequent the finest online japanese store j-list . today in my inbox were these



FUWAPPA ~ Magic Diet Room Sandals for Beautiful Legs & Hip

these take the toe stretchers to a new level.

"One thing you'll notice about Japanese models are their slim shapely legs. Of course with proper diet and exercise, you'll be able to get these legs too. But who has time to go to the gym? Now with these Fuwappa sandals, you can give your legs and buttocks (which is interestingly referred to as "hips" in Japan) a great daily workout without the gym membership. These sandals are intentionally cut short, leaving the heel end open so it forces you to use those calf muscles to keep your body steady. Use while doing chores, cooking, or whenever you feel like it. Soon, those legs will be shapely and sexy, bringing you loads of attention, even while you're not trying."

i simply MUST have them.

with a side of guns and ammo boots plz

bulla ki jaana maen kaun

this has always been one of my favorite videos. it was overplayed in india about 2005. i only recently found it on youtube & the lovely translation of the lyrics. i never tire of watching it. i hope you enjoy it. it shows off mumbai like no one else can.



Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun

Bulleh! to me, I am not known
Not a believer inside the mosque, am I
Nor a pagan disciple of false rites
Not the pure amongst the impure
Neither Moses, nor the Pharoh

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

Not in the holy Vedas, am I
Nor in opium, neither in wine
Not in the drunkard`s craze
Niether awake, nor in a sleeping daze

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

In happiness nor in sorrow, am I
Neither clean, nor a filthy mire
Not from water, nor from earth
Neither fire, nor from air, is my birth

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

Not an Arab, nor Lahori
Neither Hindi, nor Nagauri
Hindu, Turk (Muslim), nor Peshawari
Nor do I live in Nadaun

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

Secrets of religion, I have not known
From Adam and Eve, I am not born
I am not the name I assume
Not in stillness, nor on the move

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

I am the first, I am the last
None other, have I ever known
I am the wisest of them all
Bulleh! do I stand alone?

Bulleh! to me, I am not known

"Bulla ki jaana" - orginally sung by
bulleh shah
new rendition by rabbi shergill

will yoga help me lose weight?

a question i get a lot when teaching is

"will yoga help me lose weight?"

i tell them if it were true, i would be the size of a blade of grass. but i'm not. i'm on the burly side. what i tell them is this.

"it will help you be happy with the way you are right now."

that's a very true statement, and dangerous. cause us burly types/non-skinny yoga peeps/or if you like-fat yoga peeps actually feel like we are much smaller than we are. it's deceiving, really. i feel like i have 12 pack abs. and i do, only it's buried underneath a few inches of cush. what are you gonna do?

i'm SO sick and tired of wanting to be something that i'm not. the biggest challenge to many women (probably some men too) is being happy in the skin you are in. being happy "now."

the rest will take care of itself. it is a myth that you have to be a raw vegan who weighs less than 100 lbs to do yoga. nor do you have to be a svelt yoga teacher. (if you have been reading this blog for a year you will remember my thai students asking me why i am fat) i actually think some students feel more comfortable with a teacher who is less than perfect. i'm not saying it's not good to be thin, i'm just saying that so much stress, pain & self-loathing comes from wanting so much to look better than we are right now. the battle starts in puberty. how many of you ladies out there have taken diet pills or done some kind of "speed" to achieve a more posh-spice figure?

be honest now. and how many of you have NEVER been happy with your physique?

if the students who are doing yoga to lose weight stick around long enough, they begin to carry themselves totally different. they don't lose any weight, but they move "lighter." i see it all the time. and they become more confident. that confidence can be a spring board to achieving success. and if success to you is losing weight, good for you. of course i've seen women take this too far & starve themselves in addition to doubling up yoga practices. what happens is they lose strength & fall apart. it's not a pretty sight. in india i had a match thin girl faint right on my mat in the middle of surya namaskar b. i've met people who won't eat bananas for fear of gaining weight. and i wonder. what is yoga doing to these people?

yoga can ground you or it can sprout wings on you. do you want to be on this earth or above it?
yoga is healing or poisonous. it's up to you.

perfect balance

A Manual for Students, Teachers, and Practitioners.

this is a bible for anatomy & it's scientific clarifications in hatha yoga. no teacher should be without it. and it weighs about 20 pounds for some reason. same as a manduka black mat.

the skeleton is fascinating & yoga is magic for the bones. this book is just ridiculous. i have become increasingly fascinated with fundamentals-"basic" standing postures. after 13 years i feel like i'm just starting to understand them. maybe it's because that's really all i teach now. its also a huge part of my private practice. it's just so damn interesting. so i pulled this heavy bad boy off the shelf-nestled next to 10+ram dass books. love him.

if you have this, go back. read again. try to understand. it's really unbelievable. hatha does not really mean sun & moon. it kind of means right & left in sanskrit. as in left side & right side of the body .
as in

perfect balance.

"why do you never find anything written about that idiosyncratic thought you advert to, about your fascination with something no one else understands? because it is up to you. there is something you find interesting. for a reason hard to explain. it is hard to explain because you have never read it on any page; there you begin. you were made and set here to give voice to this, your own astonishment-annie dillard, in "the writing life""

the preface to the book.

indeed.

buy it now.

anatomy of hatha yoga

delicious silence

i was speaking with a type "A" (she labeled herself this) student. the corporation i teach for has a couple kinds of yoga. one is anusara. the other is astanga.
she said she likes to do both styles. but because of her busy life, a lawyer with 4 kids one year apart, she does half her yoga at home. she chooses astanga. why?

because astanga is the only system that gives you a practice that is portable. you always know what to do. "eka, dwi, trini,..." you never have to get up, look online or at yoga schedules, dish out the $17 & attend a class. and panic when you can't find a class that suits your needs for the day.

how liberating.

some people believe this system is not creative enough. i say meh to you. creativity in life is the result of daily practice. i do not believe it belongs in the yoga.

why do some teachers lose their minds when the stereo breaks? one studio i taught in years back insisted on keeping the stereo next to siva on the holy alter. that used to bother me quite a bit.

when did music become an element of yoga class? why can't some teachers teach without it? what is wrong with delicious silence? there are numerous "teacher trainings" that actually give classes in "yoga playlists."
how nauseating. don't people just want peace and quiet 60-90 minutes a day? i am trying to be open minded, but every time i use music, i find it extremely distracting. and no matter what music you choose you will not delight everybody. especially if you have eclectic tastes. i wonder how many teachers are teaching their students how to focus on the breath instead of demonstrating how creative their playlist is.

mother nature is the true artist

i just can't help myself. i am completely obsessed with the UK's greatest culinary gift to the universe, master chef marco pierre white . i'm not even a big fan of european cuisine, especially english. but i am quick becoming a fan. if not to eat (brits use ALL of the animal), to learn. marco is half italian, half french & 1000% english. and i can't seem to get him out of my head lately. i watched hell's kitchen UK season 4 in it's entirety on youtube. linda evans actually won it! (yes the dynasty linda evans). apparently she is HUGE in every brit's heart. she looks great at 66! and incredibly sweet. never eaten an oyster before, never heard of "tosser" or "wanker". how does that happen? i mean, you would think she was well traveled. she's linda evans!


"White has been dubbed the first celebrity chef, enfant terrible of the UK restaurant scene and the Godfather of modern cooking. White was, at the time, the youngest chef ever to have been awarded three Michelin stars."-wiki

if you search him on my blog, many posts will come up. chef crush is when i started dreaming about him after seeing him on the martha stewart show.

everyone is afraid of him. with good reason. to me, that is the mark of an excellent teacher. that fear thing makes you do things you could not have done alone. a good teacher can bring these things out of the student. at least for me. many of the teachers in my life had this element. they saw things in me i was unable to see myself. they helped me become a more interesting human. i think about them all the time. when i watch marco, i see the same thing. he is SO passionate, SO driven, and SO VERY SIMPLE.

the quote of his that guides me not only in the kitchen but in life, is

"mother nature is the true artist."

it's as important as

"do your practice and all is coming."

simple.

my old flame

i've been thinking. what makes me deny myself things that are good for me? avoid things that make me confident, clear headed & stable? things that make me feel good about myself?

my mind wanders to doris.



she is in perfect health. i would like to think i have something to do with that. long walks, occasional runs, top quality NON rawhide natural bones, high quality dog food without chemicals & home baked fiber flax biscuits. oh, and constant attention & love.

then i think about how i take care of my OWN health.

and i hope it's a passing phase.

"and this too shall pass..."-Goenka

i've been taking a little peek at myself lately and have noticed something weird. i seem to burn up energy caring for others. and i think it drains me a little. but i feel like i gain energy from doing this, so maybe i'm wrong. when i did reike, that was certainly the case. you gain as much healing energy as you put out, so there's no drain. hmmm. and i wondered.
what the heck is draining me?

anyhow, one thing i've wrote about lately is pulling back from yoga.

last week things changed. my old flame came back.

the rest is history.

the more you do this practice...

yoga continues to fascinate me. the levels of depth, the understanding you get from the fundamental postures through time is astounding. when i was new to yoga, i got bored with the fundamentals (most standing postures) and like many other students, was anxious to move beyond them. i don't feel that way anymore. i crave them, i do them everyday even if it's just that & a long headstand. i feel like i know how to "stretch" to the max in them rather than hanging out. i wonder if it's because that's mostly what i teach now. 95% of my students are very very new to yoga & working with standing postures is the best & safest to teach. they are difficult, but pretty accessable for the one-yoga-practice-per-week crowd. they don't think they are "stretching" but these postures open up your hips & hams far more efficiently than many of the seated bends. that is IF you understand them.

her voice is still in my head.

"the more you do this practice, the better you will understand it."-gwendoline hunt

that is the key. i don't find it helpful to teach "one-size-fits-all" allignment. instead i try to explain the logic. what is going on. because a class of 10 students with 10 bodies, 10 personalities, and 10 levels will NOT place their foot in exactly the same spot.

these students are teaching me yoga without even knowing it.

a student painted this piece for me. it's "guru" in sanskrit. it displays the "from darkness into light" aspect of teaching.

calling all men

what is keeping men away from yoga? it's becoming increasingly obvious that something is going on. many awesome teachers are men, but men make up probably 1% of all yoga students.

i teach yoga to travel corporations during their lunch. right now i have a total of 0 male students. that's down from 1.5 from the previous 6 months. i say 1.5 because one was very part-time. i had to ask the ladies if their office contained mostly women. nope. more men.

where are they?

what is keeping them from coming to class?

i have an awesome private student that i've known for 9 years-when he first started doing yoga. he was 56. and is faithful to the practice. he loves it. he is doing astanga with serious limitations in his body. but he is fine with that & just continues day after day, year after year never noticing how his body changes.

i notice.

and it really inspires me. i don't really know exactly what is keeping guys away from yoga, but from what i have seen in terms of knee, hip, shoulder & back problems, they could stand to benefit in a HUGE way.

would men feel more comfortable in a "man only" class?

or would that make them think it might be gay?

so i would like to ask the men out there.

what would it take to get you to try some yoga?

i'm not there yet

i've been thinking a little bit about yoga lately.

there are so many styles to choose from-as humans we tend to choose the one that resonates with us. the one we want to do, which is good on some levels. it's no wonder that many type "A" personalities-over achievers, triatheletes, diet control freaks, or just plain ole control freaks choose astanga. i have seen all kinds of transformations in serious students. i have seen these changes in my self, who also has fallen victim to the power it creates. when you do this intense practice for 2 hours every day 6 days a week without interruption for years, stuff happens. the body just goes from bud to bloom. and so follows the mind. but the old habits remain & dance around with this new energy. an energy that is both positive & negative.

uh-oh. better pull out the sutras-a yogi's instruction manual. yup. this is where yamas & niyamas come in like an anchor on a boat.

the point i am trying to make is this.

is the yoga style we choose really the best for us? if you want to sit, maybe you should sun salute? and if you want to do hundreds of sun salutes, maybe you need to sit?

is astanga "good" for me? my body has changed quite a bit since i was 31 when i began. i don't have that desire to achieve in yoga anymore. as a result, i have pulled my asana practice way back in favor of pranayama & meditation. often with a long head stand. i do these things before i teach because it makes me teach at half speed. i used to do pilates right before a class but was so reved up some students walked out.

i'm naturally hyper-active. not in an ADD way, but it used to be hard for me to sit still and watch a whole movie. that aspect of my life has dramatically improved. the other thing that changed is my ability to "listen" better when people are speaking to me.

the things that aren't so great are constant hip pain, frequent weight loss & weight gain, self abuse, depression & fatigue. i feel like i'm trying to settle into a routine that is better for me.

i'm not there yet.

are you?

♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥♥ ♥ ♥

i want to guide your attention to a friend tracy who is doing remarkable things. she has always been an inspiration to me. last year tracy brought a hundred pairs of shoes to poor children in mysore. earlier this year she brought 70 pounds of art supplies to them.

she is currently gathering donations to build them a massive playground structure. she is working with a jewelry maker to create the "Practice for the Children Pendants."



"honoring the late beloved Shri K. Pattabhi Jois. I wanted to do something that would include Guruji and the Ashtanga students all over the world. Something that they would have to wear around their necks, to hold and have as a daily reminder that

"Practice and All is coming"...

thus this pendant was born."

they are only $30 a piece, completely hand crafted & lovely. half of the money goes to operation shanti . she has already made almost $600 for the children of mysore.

please visit tracys blog for details.

what an interesting concept

i was getting my hair done & my stylist said to me, "my accountant who has been doing yoga for 2 months took a training & is now teaching yoga. will he hit the market & make the same money as you? because i know how much time & money you put into it."

my answer without hesitation was

"yes."

it IS a fact that you-yes you-can teach yoga with no schooling or even an established yoga practice.

what interesting concept.

no wonder my students are baffled by my teaching techniques & my hands-on adjustments. students learning yoga outside of a studio rarely get touched, put into postures, taught how to breathe, or ever taught a headstand.

what an interesting concept.

because i've been doing yoga over 13 years, teaching for 10, taken 3 teacher trainings, studied in india for 11 months, spent almost a hundred grand on learning yoga, i've taught in japan & thailand and i get paid less or the same as another "teacher" who takes a 2 month yoga course.

and i wonder what other field is this also a reality?

a week ago, a fellow teacher, who i've known 10 years & has been doing yoga that long, asked me what a very common posture that he actually teaches is called. he is famous astanga teacher in the clubs & can not name the postures he teaches.

what an interesting concept.

do i bang my head against a wall?
nope.

because every now and then someone "gets" it.

the gems are buried deep under an immense pile of yoga bull&%$t.

you just have to be patient & wait for them rise to the top.

give them your best & hope they continue the cycle.